Democratic Viewpoint
Alan:
Finally, the Democratic Party dogfight is over! Seamus Clinton has bow-wowed out of the race, making
room for Obama – who hasn't yet chosen his top dog, although Michelle Obama has promised the future
First Family that there will be a canine in their future. Not choosing Seamus has given the party
paws; but now that the dust has settled, the Party can concentrate on something important – deciding
on which dog will become Obama's First Pet.
The Poodle currently leads the pack, just slightly ahead of the Bernese Mountain Dog, but running
circles around the Yorkshire Terrier, Miniature Pinscher, and Cocker Spaniel. Those little legs just
can't keep up with the big dogs in this race to the White House. While some might complain that the
Poodle is all puffball and no cattle ' easy on the eye, but lacking meat on those bones ' those who
know a Poodle know that looks can be deceiving. The Poodle is a power player, intelligent, alert,
with the confidence to do well in the political circus. Poodle Obama would be a quick learner; and
with strong people – oriented skills, it could be easy for him or her to get barking parties to settle
down over a bowl of kibble and negotiate.
Still, there's a reason why the Bernese is second. You want confidence, courage, and smarts? This
dog’s got it – with distinctive looks to boot. This one will be alert to any trouble brewing; but is
versatile enough to have the flexibility to handle crises without running under the bed for cover.
The size might intimidate some: But a good-natured attitude can win over even the toughest breeds;
and a gentle manner means even the tiniest kittens and puppies will feel safe with this breed.
But with no clear winner, a dark horse – like a mixed breed – could win this matchup. And why not?
While voters might not know as much about such a candidate's background, an unexpected pick like this
could have the intelligence, diplomacy, and ability to keep our backyards safe from strangers, and
might be just as strong as the Poodle or Bernese. And, a mixed breed represents America as a great
"melting pot." After all, it is many breeds together that make us the lead nation of the Free World.
No matter who becomes Obama's eventual First Dog, he or she will withstand any challenge that Oreo
McCain and the other fat cats of the Republican Party toss his way this election.
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Republican Viewpoint
Monica: The Democratic dog-eat-dog battle turned into complete mush! It turns out Seamus Clinton's bark was worse than his bite when it came to winning the nomination. Meantime, Oreo McCain's been sitting pretty as a peacock at the top of the scratching post, not even bothering to unsheathe more than a claw toward this puppy that's now up against her.
But there have been unkind meowings behind Oreo's back, as the other Party pets have been heard
growling that she's not really ready to take on the tough job of being First Pet. Besides, that
position is traditionally held by a dog – and Sam, McCain's English Spaniel, Lucy, Desi, and Coco the
mutt all feel they have a much better chance to attract voters who have yet to throw their full
support behind Oreo. Still, McCain is known as a maverick: And it wouldn't be a surprise at all if
Oreo clawed her way through every challenge, landing squarely on her feet and beating all other
comers among her own menagerie – er, Party!
Unlike Sam and the other dogs, who wag their tails for anybody with a tasty treat to offer, Oreo
isn't afraid to stay independent and go her own way. She's a seasoned veteran of the paw–litical
arena, where's she made a name for herself advocating policies that benefit Americans of all stripes
and spots. The ferret might have cute little paws, but he'll strike voters as being too "weasel"ly
to be trusted and therefore won't make it. The turtles Cuff and Link might have tough shells that
will help them survive nasty fights with the Democrats; but they'll be no match for the fast–thinking
and fast–moving Oreo when it comes to going after the rats that come out of the woodwork.
Besides, no one else can take command of a lap like Oreo, which is exactly the spot where a First Pet
will need to be if they're to make the kind of decisions that will keep our enemies from bowling us
over, and get our economy back on track so that every cat and dog in the country will be able to
afford their own crate again.
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